Alone in the dark
Sitting with myself
Visions stirring in my mind
Dreams colliding with past ghosts
While construction on new roads continues
Like trying to drive a race car thru the middle of a massive demolition derby
All while the race track is still being built
I stop the car to gaze at the chaos around me
Part of My Aries nature so yearns to come in first
To feel the thrill of tires heated and engines roaring
But who’s race is this anyway
Stepping out of the car
Surrounded by madness
Ghosts of the past smashing into cars driven by dreams of the future
Racers speeding past me while I sit on the track
What do I want?
I want to come in first place
Although first place is only good till the next race
What do I really want?
Taking a breath to realize the honesty of the moment
I want to be loved
Cared about
Like the attention of being in first with a more lasting fulfilling experience
Don’t get me wrong
I love to race
My insides are like a thoroughbred
Stomping on the floor and chomping at the bit
Anxious for the gates to open to be set free
I want to race
I want to be celebrated
But I want your love more
Sitting on the floor while this hybrid race thunders on around me
I call the cars back into my being one by one
Some tears fall with the realization of desiring applause
A performer that focused on selling out the show
Almost forgetting
The love of the act that moved him in the first place
The race was the illusion of the mind
To keep my wheels spinning toward some goal that is always moving beyond my grasp
It’s ok to allow for the tears to flow
Pulling myself out of the race
Allowing for the body to be floated with emotion
Seeing the carrot for what it is
Sure I am a race car deep inside
But who said I have to color inside the lines
Yearning sucks
Being hurt sucks
But are you chasing a carrot cuz you were told to?
Because it distracts from some pain?
Or are you creating your own version of the Silver Surfer
Paving your track thru the Cosmos Your engine rumbling with love in all the chambers
Spitting melodies out of the exhaust
Leaving a trail of rainbow colored notes
On a glistening Black, Purple and Red roller coaster roadway
Saying
I WAS HERE!

(C) Jack Roman