Sitting in silence across from me
I would rather be any where else but here
Avoiding with TV
Stuffing my feelings like a turkey on thanksgiving
Or simply hardening myself on aloneness
Not that I don’t enjoy me and love me
In front of me sitting staring is the ugly me
The me that has made mistakes
The me that internalized other actions
The me that looks at myself in the mirror only to see Quasimodo staring back
I would rather “attempt” to make myself “better” with some “spiritual” practice and “move forward”
“Learn from my mistakes”
And try again for the 100,000 time
Always failing
Cuz I would rather move on
But there is no one here but me
Today
Tomorrow
Next week
Next month
Me
I have tried every which way
With a 98% failure rate
Some days I get up and hope for that 2%
Other days I know it’s better to not get up at all and don’t even try
Only with no place else to go here I am
I don’t want to accept my aloneness
I’d rather have a drink and remember my humor
I’m just not laughing at the moment
I am here
Looking for an exit
As I do my best to pull out the chair and sit down
I guess it’s just you and me kid
I’d like the courage to offer to play ball
But we are both burdened with weight
For the moment that’s ok
I’m just doing my best to just sit here not say anything or do anything
Just being present
For the moment that is good enough

(C) Jack Roman